This should leave you dizzy

 

Why the random dog picture from this summer? Because it sums up this particular post in one perfectly grammar erred sentence...


This post don't make no sense!


You've been warned. And you should probably stop reading now.

This morning as I ran, I listened to a podcast and I had a mini wake up call. The gist of it goes something like this:

Losing weight is sexy. Maintenance is boring. Losing weight is cool....the more amount you lose, the bigger the recognition. No one is really amazed when they find out your weight loss transformation was a total of 10 pounds. So let’s say you’ve lost upwards of 50 pounds…pretty cool. Ok very cool. Awesome even. The transformation is easy to witness and typically, an outsider will see the transformation of the person’s insides. Wait, did that make sense? For example…the big loser used to be shy, now they are not. Please don’t be offended that I seriously dumbed that down. I just couldn’t find the right way to say it.

When you’re a rock star like me, just saying, someone that has lost over 75 pounds, or in my case 100, you knew you were dealing with more than just an eating problem. AND, unless you got help with those problems, or even if you did, like me, you lose the weight, you go in to maintenance and you now have to learn to deal with your issues without turning to food and inactivity.

Realizing now that I’m going off on a tangent…or at least not pulling my thoughts together (And that is REALLY easy when you’re like me and so easily distracted!)…what was my point?

I lost the bulk of my weight back in 2001? So technically, I’ve been maintaining for a decade. Yet, in that 10 years, I can remember certain weights…180 in 2001, 175 in 2004, up to 200 in 2006, down to 175 in 2007. 155 came in 2008. That’s the lowest I remember as an adult. I want to get back to there. I was extremely happy with my body at that size and this will shock you, but that was when I was also the happiest and most at peace with myself. I’m being sarcastic about the shocking part.

Because I blog, that doesn’t mean I can write well. But I learned today, or rather, I was reminded that I blog to find accountability. I blog to vent. I’ve been avoiding blogging…and we’re talking like in the last few years, because I was censoring myself. I felt like a failure I guess? Because I gained 20 pounds back? I’m certainly not always a chipper and positive person so I felt like I was being a hypocrite by blogging when my mind was in it’s own little black hole. I guess cuz I lost all the weight, and had quite a few people impressed with my accomplishment, I put this pressure on myself to appear to have it more together than I really did?

CRAP, I really don’t know what I’m trying to say anymore. Ha!
1. I’m gunna blog.
2. I will probably always ramble on and on.
3. I need the accountability
4. If you don’t like what I write, then don’t read it.
5. Yeah, I can be kinda sassy. A lot. But I’m pretty good at keeping my mouth shut most of the time.

PS Today I polished off the bag of miniature Reese's PB cups that my mom gave me on my birthday, which was Tuesday the 8th, and no it's not too late to still send presents! Oreos used to be my crack. Now my black tar heroine appears to be the choco/pb combo. Obvi.

Are you dizzy? Do you even remember why you clicked on the link to this blog to begin with?